If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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