I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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