Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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