oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
