your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
