Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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