her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
only if we run a train.
done.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
