i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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