I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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