she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
