I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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