Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
