Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My feet surprised me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
