atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize