Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
