Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
