I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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