Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
