my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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