I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
