this beer tastes like vomit already
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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