we have pet lesbian snakes
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
