Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have aggressive nipples.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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