I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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