I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
