Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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