you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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