Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
