Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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