Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
