You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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