I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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