Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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