I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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