Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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