all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
