awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so let's talk penis.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
