he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Two words: blizzard sex
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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