Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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