If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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