Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sobbing to NWA
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
