Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
