Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
