dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
