you will always have a special place in my vag
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
