do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
