We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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