Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
