i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
