bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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