I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
