Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
