the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
