toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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