So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
