he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
