i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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