I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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