Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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