Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
