Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
