Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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