I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just want nice things and good sex
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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