Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
