She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
