R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
