2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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