Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
