then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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