Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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