sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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