margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
