dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
