he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
