i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
