what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
