i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
