He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize