My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
