you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
