I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
