Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
