i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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