"it" just moved
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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