I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
