those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
