I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
