guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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