Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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