I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
