he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
