I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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