I hate all girls vehemently.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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