note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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