Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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