you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
