Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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