We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
