Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
