hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
