You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
