i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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