guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
