and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
