she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
