I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize