I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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