Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
