Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
being pregnant is like rehab
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
