please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize