Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have fence marks all over my body
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
