i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
