you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I want a musical about memes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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