I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
