I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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