I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
