new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize