I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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